What can I do about stress?
You can better manage your stress by implementing the following three steps:
- Identify the sources of stress in your life
- Discover ways to reduce the stress in your life
- Learn healthy attitudes and behaviors to relieve stress
Step 1: Identify the Sources of Stress in Your Life
The first step is to slow down, and step back from the stressful situations as if looking from a long distance. Slow your breathing by gently breathing from your belly instead of your chest. Take your time and if you don’t catch on right away to soft belly or diaphragmatic breathing, it is OK. It is a new experience and our bodies take time to learn. Practice patience with yourself. Your body and mind will notice. The body has its own learning time, and it is SLOW, unlike our minds that travel at high speed.
When you are more relaxed, you can begin to identify the source(s) of stress in your life. Sometimes the sources are easily identifiable, such as a deadline at work, a pile of unpaid bills, a difficult relationship, a loss, a death, a major life change (i.e. new job, marriage, birth of a child, moving to a new home, etc). If it is difficult to identify the source(s) of your stress at first, just tell yourself that it’s okay and step back. Try to maintain a relaxed, patient, openness and acceptance to whatever arises from within you on its own. Don’t push. Just allow clarity to emerge without pressure. This is a major accomplishment in our high intensity world! Remember to let your breathing begin to slow down as you observe it. You will begin to come into balance
Keep a Stress Awareness Journal: For some people, writing helps create some distance and allows more thoughtful responses and less reactivity. Using three columns, write down three situations that trigger feelings of stress in the first column. Note the level of your reactions: low, medium, or high stress in the second column. In the third column, briefly describe what action you have taken or want to take to address the stressful event.
Step 2: Discover Ways to Reduce the Stress in Your Life We cannot get rid of stress altogether, but we can change how we react to it, which will result in decreasing our stress response. Much of the episodic, acute stress and chronic stress – the stress that damages our health – can be reduced with the use of new information and behaviors – organization techniques, time management, relationship skills, and other healthy lifestyle choices.
To prevent stress, especially chronic stress, from damaging your health, emotional well being, and your life, it is important to insure that your body does not continuously experience excessive states of physiological arousal. When you slow down and notice what your body and mind are experiencing, you can shift away from this unhealthy state of tension. You now will have the opportunity to practice your tools of relaxation. Breathe deeply, or visualize a relaxing image or place. Notice how your body responds. Instead of deepening the stress response, you are giving your mind and body the opportunity to readjust, and strengthen new neural pathways of relaxation.
Learn Healthy Ways to Relieve Stress
If you gradually and gently change your habits and practice relaxation techniques, your body to be less stressed. The sooner you begin to consistently use stress management skills, not just when the pressure is on, the quicker your system will return to a balanced or normal state when you experience severe stress. Knowing how to “de-stress” when things are relatively calm helps you to approach challenging circumstances more calmly when they arise.
Stress Reduction Activities You May Explore:
- Breathing exercises- To relieve pressure, relax and rebalance your system, practice deep breathing for a few minutes on and off during the day. There are many different conscious breathing practices to reduce stress and increase concentration. Through practice, reading, and attending workshops, you will discover the ones that work best for you.
- Practice thought substitution. You can increase your sense of well-being and relaxation by consciously shifting your attention away from the magnet of stresses to a non-charged, peaceful focus.
- Incorporate regular exercise that suits your body and life style into your daily routine. Walking is a great way to get started. Consider yoga, pilates, aerobics, Tai Chi, swimming, dancing, and weight bearing training among others. All of these activities increase blood flow, bringing fresh oxygen to every cell of your entire body. During these activities, we have the opportunity to shift our focus away from daily stress. Try to leave your preoccupations outside the gym or studio so that your entire system, including your brain, can experience the full benefits of your activity. You are giving yourself a break to allow and enhance a healthy mind and body.
- Focus on an enjoyable memory or picture. Visualize a place where you felt relaxed or imagine a place you dream of visiting. Recall a humorous situation or story. Chuckle. Laugh. An amazing shift will occur in your nervous system creating a greater sense of ease.
- Meditate. Take some time, even a few minutes, to sit and observe your nasal or belly breathing; regularly and calmly returning your focus to your breath when your usual thoughts tempt you away. Smile and let your body know you are taking time to relax. A few moments of meditation, or focusing on visualization will help clear your mind. You will return to your task refreshed, with more energy. With regular practice you will notice that you have increased your calmness and creativity.
- Make sounds and sighs. Long AHHHHs are great for the lungs and helps to discharge toxins as well as stress.
Sing or HUMMMM a song. This is a mood elevator and can shift the nervous system into regulation.
- Read inspiring or humorous passages in your favorite book. Shift your brain waves.
- Laugh. Recall humorous situations or jokes on a daily basis. Watch what happens to your mood and outlook, and sense your body’s response.
Step 3: Learn Healthy Attitudes and Behaviors to Relieve Stress
If it is so simple, why don’t we all just shift our focus, relax more, de-stress, and enjoy life just as it is. In fact, there has been very little in our lives, and culture to reinforce this wisdom. Our culture reinforces quite the opposite. Most people feel that to be happy, they must push through stressful situations, ignoring their very real needs. Our bodies and minds inevitably pay a dear price for this life-style.
We would all like to be more optimistic, and approach life with a more positive outlook. We just haven’t had practice being confident or positive. We can begin by thinking of change as normal, and even inevitable. When faced with setbacks, instead of feeling defeated, we can search for inherent lessons. Mistakes, others, and ours can offer us the opportunity to learn and grown. In these ways we will gradually move away from our negative conditioning and start to look at our lives through a brighter lens. With practice we know it is possible, although not always easy, to change stress inducing thought patterns. These changes take time.
We are Wired for Connection
Science has affirmed that humans are physiologically wired for human, social connection. We need others and they need us. If we confide in others, they have the opportunity to be there for us. When we ask for and accept support from people who care about us, we not only strengthen our connection to them but we also find comfort in knowing that we are not alone but part of the human family. Talking about our thoughts and feelings reduces our level of stress. We all need to remember that reaching out to others is strength, rather than ascribe to the belief that it is weak and inappropriate to “air our dirty laundry in public.” Isn’t air exactly what laundry needs?
Get involved with others. Join groups for connection and support. You might attend classes in Stress Reduction, Time Management or Anger Management to support your goal to change old unhealthy patterns. Groups can be very supportive of new behaviors.
Suggestions to Help you Change Stress Inducing Attitudes, Beliefs, Feelings and Behaviors:
- Give yourself time-outs and take brief mental vacations: Begin by taking a few deep belly breaths first. You can use counting: i.e. four counts inhalation, four counts exhalation and notice the effects.
- Diminish your time worrying: When you notice yourself in a worry pattern, try shifting 95% of your attention to a pleasing object in the room, holding 5% of your worry for a few minutes or as long as you choose. Notice any shifts in your nervous system no matter how tiny. Notice how your viewpoint and perceptions can open up as you let go of your worries, shift your focus and allow your nervous system to relax a little. It takes time. The body’s time is very slow, unlike a racing mind.
- Learn to effectively problem solve: By learning to solve problems in a healthier way, you greatly diminish your stress level.
- Set Goals: We work more effectively by identifying smaller steps to achieve our goals. Arranging projects and assignments into small pieces and doing a small amount of work on a regular basis is perhaps one of the best ways to prevent becoming overwhelmed by a project or problem.
- Take one task or project at a time: This gives us a sense of mastery. Avoiding what we need to do increases stress. Our entire body becomes tense even if we try ignoring our responsibilities.
- Manage time constraints: When we take the time to make a schedule, and prioritize what is most important on our to do list, we get more done and we feel better. In our high-pressured world it is easy for people to think they should able to do more and thus over schedule themselves. Without realizing it, we are creating chronic stress for ourselves that ultimately results in our being less efficient and effective.
- Take positive action to solve problems and you will reduce your stress. We do our best work without strain when we are staying in the present moment remaining calm.
Stress Reduction Tips for Daily Life:
- Bring something beautiful into your life everyday, e.g.: flowers, a favorite picture, or painting.
- Nurture your sense of humor. This helps us to avoid sweating the small stuff.
- Set aside time for enjoyable activities on a regular basis, e.g. take a leisurely bath, read a book, spend time with your pet, lunch with a friend, get a massage.
- Volunteer. Helping others is a great stress reliever. It can increase a sense of caring connection from the heart – a great healer for the body, mind and spirit.
When Should I Seek Help to Deal With My Stress?
You may wish to address your issues or situation with a trained professional. A professional is a calm, objective outside resource that can help you sort out your feelings and thoughts and change the unhealthy patterns that cause or maintain your stress. In individual, group or family therapy you can develop more clarity about your issues, learn to be more patient with yourself and others and master the attitudes and skills you need to address your problems. A skilled professional, as well as fellow group members, can help you address the stress in your life, identify your options, and proceed more calmly and clearly.
The experienced psychotherapists at Metropolitan Psychotherapy and Family Counseling Practice can help you deal with the stress in your life, find effective solutions and reclaim your creativity and equilibrium. Please call us at: 212-228-2929.
Note: The information found in this article regarding the effects of stress and the use of relaxation techniques is not meant as a substitute for medical care. If you have any health concerns, please consult your doctor before following any suggestions in this article.
It is important to know your local resources for emergencies, including hotlines and hospital emergency rooms. Should you experience thoughts of harming yourself or others, or unusual and intense mental or physical symptoms, please contact your doctor, go to the nearest emergency room or call 911.
-return to part 1 of this article-
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